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Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States

After taking a few years off, I'm back in seminary here in the Twin Cities, Minnesota, at United Theological Seminary. What a wonderful place to be! Surrounded by friends old and new, I'm exploring my call to Unitarian Universalist ministry with friends, classmates, and the world around me. I am watching for the spring and feeling it unfold within myself.

Friday, August 18, 2006

A Work in Progress

It has continued to be what a chaplain of mine once described as a dark night of the soul. No longer is it what it was a year ago, it has morphed into something that may be even more sinister than what it had been. Before, I was incapable of doing much of anything, trapped in my doubts and self-hatred. I am sure that many would say that I'm doing so much better now. I get up every day, go to work, am involved at church and in orchestras (you should have heard the barefoot cellist play the solo from Pirates of the Caribbean the other evening, even if she was forced to wear shoes), but I am not an smidgeon closer to who I want to be.

I usually blame my dead end crappy job for slowly draining my soul. It definitely contributes to my difficulties, but I must face the reality that a lot of my problem stems from me. I have neglected my soul, leaving no room in my life for me to fill it with what I will simply refer to as God, although the concept is much more complicated than the word.

The whole reason I am taking time off from school is to become reconnected to all of the reasons I need to pursue ministry. I haven't done much of anything toward that, and I am consistently left asking myself how I am supposed to do this. Maybe I need to stop considering myself the barefoot cellist and go back to being a work in progress . . .

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